Hop Quests and Heartbreak: The Mythic Search of the Perfect Summer Beer

SIREN’S CALLS ARE ALWAYS SO SWEET

I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride these last few months in pursuit of my beer pick of the season. I had the perfect golden nectar selected for these mercurial days of heat. In my mind, nothing else would bring me the solace provided by the Hopfenweisse Weizendoppelbock collaboration between Schneider Weisse and Brooklyn Brewery. Why did I go with this choice you ask? Well, I’ll tell ya.

To me this beer embodies everything great about drinking during the summer. It delivers thirst-quenching refreshment à la plunging into a cool natural spring on a scorching hot day. With an ABV of 8.2%, it’s fueled by a boozy backend. The kind that hypnotizes you with a Catwoman stance wearing fat booty pants… hot damn. Lastly, it’s lathered up with depth, boldness, and character. Think a ghostly-pale kid slathered up with SPF 65.

The encounter happened over 10 years ago, and I can still remember it with the fondness of a secretly stolen first kiss. The way the beer touched my lips and left me unsure of what was to come, but knowing with certainty I’d never be the same. With the fates on my side, this amber ambrosia turned out to be everything I hoped it would be—and then some.

Unfortunately, in the cruel tradition of things too good to be true, it seems this was just a fleeting tryst. And that’s what I’ve been chasing this summer: a return to the glory days. But just like Bruce so sagely prophesied, they’ll pass you by in the wink of a young girl’s eye.

So why this melancholic turn of events?

Because it turns out… I can’t find this son of a bitch anywhere!

This was supposed to be my Odyssey tale. My return after years of trials and tribulations with other cold ones to reclaim my moment in the sun. I wanted to put my lips to it one more time and see if the sparks were still there. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t the Odysseus character I thought I was.

THE FOCUS OF A CYCLOPS IS SINGULAR

Through rigorous and detailed investigation into the matter (i.e., reaching out to old familiars in the trade and the magic of AI), it came to my attention that the collaboration brew I once delighted in had been discontinued. Apparently, a version of the beer—Tap 5 Meine Hopfenweisse—is still part of the Schneider lineup and brewed year-round, but it does me no good since it’s not available in my area.

It seems my epic was more of a Great Gatsby story: “Can’t repeat the past?” he cried incredulously. “Why of course you can!” … but unlike Jay, I wasn’t about to let the danger of defining one’s life by past ideals ruin this cold brewski summer for me. So I did what any beer drinker in a desperate situation would do, I tapped my friends for support and suggestions. And, like any great buddy comedy ever written… my friends were of no help to me either. I mean utterly useless.

Okay, that statement’s not 100% accurate. Some of them came through with a couple of intriguingly cool craft selections—Orchestrated Minds Brewing Surfer’s Tan Pilsner and Three Notch’d Brewing Co. Firefly Nights Pale Ale—but, like the previously discussed brew, they too are completely unavailable to me. As for the rest of my trusty crew of wayward misfits? They let me down harder than the moment Patriots fans watched David Tyree secure a football to his helmet. Ya burnt.

Their intentions weren’t fallible, they were just… corrupted. The lineup of carbonated curiosities they threw out was just that, a bunch of throwaways you toss in the garbage. To their credit though, they were at least able to help define the proper standards that make an everyday beer into a great summer malt potion. Here are the qualifiers they laid out:

The beer must be fresh-tasting, addictively drinkable, smooth across the board, and (most importantly) crushable when served ice cold.

With this in mind, I set my sights on a new course of action. It was time to allow the hands of the fates to take the helm again.

THE SUITORS BEACHSIDE BANQUET

I took my chances with a Hail Mary like Eli (feel the burn, Patsies) to salvage my search for a worthy sunny-season yeast beast. I enlisted the efforts of a local spot (Break Awayz) which I know has a solid roster of rotating seasonal liquid cheer. Despite my waning optimism, I settled on a solution to my dilemma. It was time to remove the onus of my bias from the equation and let the queen bee of the muse answer my beckoning call.

The plan was for their staff to pour me whatever in their current stock they felt was the best representation of “summer in a glass.” They would come up with their picks, bring them out one at a time with no description or discussion, and, once all three had been consumed, reveal what they’d chosen.

Simple.

Fortuitously though, the results were anything but. Here were my blind tasting notes:

Beer 1:

Appearance - Golden Amber

Aromas - Yeasty Esters, Malty

Taste - Lemon, Pineapple, Berries, Lactic Acid (vanilla milk)

Overall Description - Bright, Light, Refreshing, Tart, Citrus and Berry dominate.

Guess: Sour Ale

Beer 2:

Appearance - Pale, Pink/Rose, Light fizz

Aromas - Candied, Apple, Vanilla, Cotton Candy, Citrus

Taste - Ginger, Floral (white blossoms), Spice (cinnamon), Honey, Citrus (like mandarin)

Overall - Feels like the ingredients were put in one pot and baked together with honey.

Guess: Cider or Seltzer

Beer 3:

Appearance: Cloudy, Bubbly (good head)

Aromas: Hippy-Hoppy, Guava, Oranges

Taste: Orange, Tropical Fruit, Hop Bitterness,

Overall: Summer fruit basket with a dry hoppy finish that provides balance and bitter notes.

Guess: Hazy IPA

THE RESULTING TOKENS MADE CLEAR & TRUE

Break Awayz didn’t let me down. I asked for three beers that embodied the refreshing grip a cold brew holds over the season, and they delivered. Not all the beers they picked were ones I would’ve chosen for myself, and that’s exactly why I loved them.

So, what was poured? Without further ado… the picks for beers to beat the summer heat:

First up: DuClaw Sour Me America Rocket Pop Sour Ale

This was the surprise hit for me… cause I don’t like sours. But frankly, it’s the one beer I’d go back to before the sweat stops rolling down my brow this summer. It’s not overly tart and hits with nostalgic notes that immediately take me back to chasing ice cream trucks down the block with a fistful of coins waving in the air.

This brew is part of a rotating series from DuClaw Brewing Co., where they use the Sour Me label with whatever whimsical monicker catches their fancy. An absolute cooler-filler if you ask me.

Next: Blake’s Key Lime Pie Hard Cider

It nailed the flavor profile dead on. Not my slice of beer, though, but I can easily see why someone who prefers a lighter style with a sweeter finish would gravitate toward this pick.

Pro tip: drink it as cold as humanly possible. The crisper it is the smoother it goes down—and the better it holds up when the temperature starts climbing. Blake’s Hard Cider Co. rarely misses in the cider game, so if this piqued your curiosity, grab a slice of that pie while it’s still hot.

Lastly (we arrive at my happy place): Parish Brewing Dr. Juice IPA.

If I’m left to my own devices with a beer, chances are I’m putting down an IPA. I find comfort in that domain like clinging to an old blankie for emotional support. Ironically, summer is the one time of year I branch out into other styles to wet my whistle. But after two oddities, this brew was the familiar comfort I weirdly craved.

Dr. Juice is a year-round IPA from Parish Brewing Co., but they occasionally release fun variations to keep things fresh so keep an eye out.

To look back at a moment in life with an unwillingness to move forward is to reject the joy and pleasure still waiting to be discovered. I began this article in pursuit of recapturing the decadence of a distant golden dalliance. But the tenacity to revive that watershed feeling nearly left me high and dry in the heat of summer.

Thankfully, I looked past the alluring gleam of long-gone moments as they beckoned me backward. I changed course toward uncharted waters just in time to avoid the perils of straying too close to the shallows. As they say: You can’t discover new lands unless you’re willing to lose sight of the shore.

There’s a world out there waiting for you to explore. Yamas!